Wednesday, June 22, 2011

A personal look at our IVF process

 I know that a few people have asked me some questions about the IVF process that we went through. During the entire process, from attending the class to learn about IVF to finding out it was negative, I kept a journal about all the meds I took, and I wrote down big and little things that happened, or that were exciting or discouraging. So I thought I would share just a little bit of that with you guys so you could get a better feel for the process we went through. As, thank you to everyone who continues to pray for us and encourage us!

  •    On 4/6/11 we attend the "set-up class" to learn all about the whole process, to learn how to administer the meds and injections correctly, and to find out what what our plan looked like. This was a super exciting time for us as we were able to finally see our journey beginning and to be able to get a full understanding of what it was going to look like. We were extremely overwhelmed by all the medications, injections and possible side effects. But more than anything, we were just excited!
  • 4/18/11 was the first day I started the process of taking lots of medicines. I started giving myself shots daily and taking a few pills to help my ovaries produce more follicles (eggs) The picture below is SOME of the medicines I was taking throughout the process. 
  • 4/27/11 was the first real day of the process! I had my first ultrasound done. On my first one they found I had 20 follicles (eggs) on my right ovary and 12 on my left. Most women produce only produce about 4-5 on each. I was a responder which made me need to be watched more closely, which meant more trips to the doctor, and more blood work!
  • Skipping past a few more appointments, on 5/4/11 I went for my routine ultrasound and blood work. They counted up all my follicles and found that I had over 50 total. They were starting to measure around 15mm which is when they consider them "mature" At this point, I had become extremely bloated, and nauseous. They told me that my estrogen levels were very high and my ovaries had become very enlarged and that because of those two things, they would be lowering my dose of meds and also would be seeing me daily.
  • On 5/6/11 they decided my eggs were maturing so quickly, they were going to give me the "trigger" shot, which basically tells my brain to get ready to release the eggs. This was the most painful shot, and was quite an experience. But I was very happy that in just two days, I would be having my egg retrieval!
  • On 5/8/11 (mothers day) was the egg retrieval. I think I will just share what I wrote in my journal to give you the best feeling for what happened. "Well today was the big day! The day of my egg retrieval. We woke up around 5:00am and left the house around 6:00am for Rochester Hills, which is about 2 hours away, so we arrived around 8:00. When we got there, they took Jeremy back right away to get the specimen. Then around 8:30, they took me back to start prepping me. They put in an IV and started giving me a thick fluid so that my ovaries wouldn't send out any fluids, which could send me into hyper-stimulation..."
  • "...Around 8:50 they took me back into the O.R. They got me situated on the table and then gave me the sedation. I woke back up in the normal room. It took me some time to actually be completely away. They brought Jeremy back and gave me some juice and crackers. They told me they had retrieved 9 mature eggs that they would be able to use. They told me they would call me the next day to let me know how many of the eggs fertilized."

  •  5/7/11 the doctors called and said 6 had fertilized and that they would see me Friday for my embryo transfer!
  • 5/13/11 "Today was the day! Embryo transfer day! We woke up early once again to get to my appointment in Rochester hills around 9:30. We got there and both Jeremy and I put on gowns. They took some blood, gave me some meds and sent us back to the transfer room...."
  •  "...They got us all settled in the room while the embryologist prepared the embryo's for the transfer They proceeded to tell us that they only had 1excellent embryo, but they had a good embryo, so they would transfer both. We were given a picture of both of the embryo's and then as we watched the embryos being transferred in via ultrasound which was amazing to see, they also gave us a picture of the ultrasound. ."

  •  "... then they took us back to our room where I had to lay down for a half hour before they could release us to go home. Then it was just waiting two weeks to find out if it was a positive or not."

  •  On 5/27/11 we got the most devastating news. After all the long drives to doctor's appointments, after all the meds, after all the injections and all the blood work, it was a negative. But, God is still good. We don't understand this, but he does. His plan is way better than mine. We will just continue to pray for his blessings in his time. (Although we hope its soon!)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A conversation with God

I have so many things that I want to say
But I can't seem to find the words.

I want You to know how much I'm hurting
But You already know, You're the one that allowed the pain.

I feel like I am drowning in a sea of tears
But I know I'm only in this place so You can rescue me.

My heart is completely torn to pieces
But I know You are holding it together with Your crown of thorns.

I don't understand the pain You've allowed
But it's okay, I don't need to, You are God, I am not.

I know one day this will all be used for Your glory
But right now I feel like its a waste.

I know You are there to carry me through this
But I feel like You have left me here abandoned.

I know You think I'm strong enough to handle this
But I feel like I am too weak to take another step

I know You tell me its okay to feel sorrow and heartache
But I feel like I have to put on a smile

My greatest desire is to honor You with this pain
But I know I cannot do it on my own, I need Your help

I know Your plan for my life is bigger than what I can see
But all I want for my life is to be 'home' with You

But let my life be a song You sing
Even if that means living with a broken heart.

And thank you for allowing me the privilege to suffer through trials for Your names sake.
Please let those trials be an example of your mercy, love and grace to others.
I Love You.